Midnight Ponderings

Last night I dreamt
Bad guys were surrounding me
They wanted something I did not want to give
I awoke afraid

It was midnight
My son’s small foot pressed against my back
I was alone and not alone
The house creaked and rocked

This is the time
When all my fears and worries come alive
Crawling into my bed to haunt me
But I must be brave, for I am a mother

Everyone I know is anxious
Tight bellies that ache, night terrors that wake
A friend asks how I am so calm
When her feelings are bubbling on the surface

I didn’t have an answer for her then
Now, in the middle of the night
Searching for a pill to soothe my troubled thoughts
I contemplate this question

How am I so calm
When the people in charge
Seem to be on a mission
To destroy all life on the planet?

How am I so calm
When everyone around me
Seems to be dying of cancer
Or some other awful disease?

How am I so calm
When my community is being torn apart
By mental illness
Alcoholism and drug addiction?

How am I so calm
When this is the world
My children will inherit
After I'm gone

In this blackest of nights
I say prayers of gratitude
Thank you God, thank you God
Thank you God

My heart stops racing
I begin to relax,
Now I remember
How I am so calm

I am so calm
Because there is nothing I can do
That will change the outcome
All I can do is thank God for what I have

Anxiety is the feeling we get
When we are trying to control
Something that is
Uncontrollable

I am of the unpopular opinion
That I do not have control
Over anything other than
My own thoughts

I am of the unpopular opinion
That death is inevitable
And I honor the animal
By eating it

I am of the unpopular opinion
That no matter what happens
It is what was meant to be
So just let it go

Or maybe I am not so calm at all
I am the storm about to wake
And it’s not me, but it’s the bad guys
Who should be afraid